Write This Scene in Show Don’t Tell

A photo prompt for the speculative fiction writers out there. How would you write this scene in show don’t tell?

Here’s mine.

*****

I slipped my hand into Jakon’s as we strolled along the highest catwalk in the city park.

“It’s beautiful.” I sqeezed his hand.

A big grin lit up his long face. “I knew you’d like it here.”

This close to the dome, we could see the sun sending its beams through the clouds. The devastated land was too far below us to see clearly. The perfectly controlled air temperature blew gently over us, stirring Jakon’s wavy red hair.

“We’ll have to get back soon.” I sighed.

A loud hum made me look up. My jaw swung loose.

Sailing against the clouds was some kind of vehicle. I’d seen pictures like it in history posts.

Jakon gawked. “Nothing can live outside the dome.”

“Maybe it’s a government or military vehicle.”

“But everybody travels underground to visit the other domes.”

The flying vehicle turned, heading straight for us.

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑